i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
