omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize