If i come over, it means nothing
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
