is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
