he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
