I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You left your phone here
Wait...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
