I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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