The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
