At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
