is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
