Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
