in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
