i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
