I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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