It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
