i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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