Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
