R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
