took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
