Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize