I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
