I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize