Fine. I'll sleep in my office
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
