he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
