The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
