I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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