All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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