piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
