i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
