Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm eating all of the evidence.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
