So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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