I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
