So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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