I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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