so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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