after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
