guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
