I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
