ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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