I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
