wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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