I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
