I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize