Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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