Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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