just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
