When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
