You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I met the friendliest cop last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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