so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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