you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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