she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
