she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
