be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
