One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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