dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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