Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
