Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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