I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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