The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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