u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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