I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
