Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
