Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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