It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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