Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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