I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
