brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
