turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
